little cutie!!

My little guy will be 2 in two months!!!!! I can't believe how fast it has gone by and makes me sad he is not a baby anymore.

something to live by

“You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction.” — George Horace Lorimer.

I'm a downer

:::Can't fall asleep at night. Don't want to get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes i wish i could just quit this life. It's like im in a stage of mourning. This stress that weighs on me i can't hold any longer. I keep crying my eyes out. I wish i could be stronger. Everyday i put on a face. I try to hide so noone can see. I just wish i was that person. The person who i always wanted to be.:::

I wrote this in September 2005.. i wish i could say life was diffrent now.

I know that someday things will work out. It's hard to see it. Once i do get it i am grabbing on as tight as possible and will not let go.

Not much going on..

I didnt realize how long it had been since i posted!! Thanksgiving and Christmas seemed to fly by. It was nice having Joey home this year. Now we both are just working and still stuck where we were last year.... at my parents house with no end in sight. Dillon will be 2 in March!! I can't believe how fast he has grown up. But this also means that it's 2 years that i have been living with my parents. I keep hoping and praying that something will change or the answer to everything will just appear. It never does though. Hopefully things will start looking up SOON!

Ohhh i love fall!

We took Dillon down to the park this morning and let him run around. It was a little chilly but we all had coats and hats so we weren't that cold! I would love to go to Woodward Park and take some pictures all in the leaves! I just love fall! This week I am leaving to go to Georgia for Thanksgiving, then my Birthday on Saturday!!! We wont be back til Monday.. I'm dreading the drive but i know it will be worth it!

SOO behind!

I am so behind on blogging and posting pictures.. i am going to try and do better!!

Everything is the same for the most part on my end. I am sad to say that nothing has changed... Other then i have been successful at losing a decent amount of weight! I still have a ways to go but at least i am making some progress! I have been looking for a job, but am not able to start working til after Thanksgiving so haven't been at it to much. I just don't want finding a job to interfere with my Thanksgiving trip plans. I am just trying to stay hopeful and not give up.. at times it is hard not to. At this time of year i should really just be thankful for what i do have and not focus so much on what i don't have. Things will look up someday, it's just hard not wishing that someday were TODAY!

Wow... Novemeber...

I just can't believe that it is already November. Sometimes i just wonder where my life is going. Months just seem to be disappearing. Its a little sad.. i don't want my life to just pass by. It is strange to think that Joey has been home for so long. During the time he was gone it felt like he was never coming back. Now Dillon is 19 months old and getting closer, and closer, to turning 2!! Crazy... one reason that scares me is because i still don't feel ready for another baby. A lot of people try and have babies 2 years apart. THEY ARE CRAZY! I know that's not really true.. it's just not right for me. If circumstances were different, and we were in a different place financially, etc, im sure we would be talking about it. I just sit here feeling discontent, and want things to change, so then maybe i can start to slow down and enjoy my life. First thing every morning i think... ok only 14 hours til i can go back to bed. Ummm i think that's bad. I shouldn't be thinking that way. I shouldn't be wanting to sleep my life away. It's like i keep waiting for something exciting to happen, i am dying for something fun and different to come along.. but it never does.

I have been talking with Express Personnel because i am having problems finding a job by myself. Hopefully they can find something that suits me and SOON so then we can MOVE OUT. :::::sigh:::::